2005 was a year of deep pain for me and my family. We have struggled with a number of family illnesses and loss and so most of which left me feeling unwilling to share my thoughts openly with anyone. That was until I ran across this article today in the Seattle PI. I sat sobbing at the loss for the family of this little boy and grateful that this woman was able to continue to get the help she so obviously needed.
In September I received a call from my father, telling me that my cousin had killed himself the day before. I sat dumbfounded by the news, as it just seemed impossible. I was the lucky one though because I had the luxury of only knowing him as a young man filled with life and potential. He was quite a bit older than me and my memories are those of a child watching in awe as he seemed to shine in everything he did. He was always on the go, after college moving to Colorado to ski during the winter then back to Idaho for summers on the lake where he would always make time for me and my brother. He would take us boating and helped teach my little brother to swim. It didn't seemed to matter that we were always tagging along, he would take us to the store and buy ice cream and never complained when his parents asked him to keep us busy. I loved and adored him.
As I said, I had the luxury of only my childhood memories. I never knew the man he became as he fell deeply into mental illness. My cousin was schizophrenic, and yet always in my memory was larger than life itself. Maybe this was what made it even harder for him, the potential that was locked inside and the demons that kept him from reaching it. The last time I saw him was a few years back at a family holiday function, he was quiet and shy and I missed him deeply.
My cousin struggled so hard with his illness, as many will tell you at times the cure feels worse than the disease and he was on and off with his medications, at the time of his death he was off and drinking heavily. My family seems to be pulling itself apart at the seams, as everyone wants to find something tangible to blame for this happening.
I know I'm rambling, and quite possibly have sent any readers packing...but the reality is this post is just for me today. I've included the link because it's such and important story, we need to realize that yes infact these things happen, and we as a society need to be ready to help our brothers, sisters, cousins, or even our parents if they are not well and know that the demons inside may just be punishment enough.
